The Vulgarity of Vendettas

Susie J Folmer, 12th August 2023

Vendettas are destructive in every way and on every level. Sadly, it is a personality trait that is common among those with narcissistic personality disorders and more common than we might think. I felt it was prudent timing to dedicate some writing to exploring vendettas after witnessing, and experiencing the fall-out of what happens to someone adversely affected by those fueled by vendettas. The experiences I have had, and others close to me, have given me the sense of empowerment to find my voice and speak out against these actions and hopefully offer something worthwhile to others who are experiencing or have experienced this in their lives. Perhaps the rise in social media has made these things more visible and far easier for people to undertake. Please note that this article is aimed at helping those affected by vendettas and at the end of this article are the contact details for further support should you find yourself in need of professional support.

What is a vendetta?

A vendetta is typically defined as a prolonged and bitter feud or rivalry between individuals or groups, characterized by an ardent desire for revenge, retribution, or retaliation. Often the victim of a vendetta is not engaging in rivalry, retaliation or conflict but remains silent.

Vendettas arise from perceived wrong-doing, offense, jealousy or deep-seated animosity and can involve persistent hostility, malicious intent, and a relentless pursuit of retribution. Vendettas are often profoundly personal and can result in ongoing conflicts, negative interactions, and a cycle of revenge-driven actions. People who drive vendetta campaigns will often falsely accuse and allege it was you that did something wrong that they will use to justify their bad behaviour, yet the reality is these accusations are often a projection or reflection of their own actions. The truth is there if you choose to see it.

Those who have a pattern of vendetta driven behaviours are typically narcissistic and dealing with narcissism is not an easy thing. You can’t control what other people do, and wishful thinking will only drain you of time and energy.  Tune your mind into more productive matters in life and tune out to the noise that vendetta driven people create by way of constant gossip, attempts to gain support or recruits to their cause, and malicious smear campaigns. People who engage in these sorts of behaviours aren’t used to having boundaries set with them are likely to get upset. But setting firm boundaries will save you from stress later. No matter where you go in life, you’re bound to come across toxic people. You may feel helpless from time to time, but the truth is you hold power in the way you respond.

If you are in a cycle of vendetta driven behaviour, holding a grudge, feel like you have been wronged, I hope that you can find ways to overcome what you are feeling as it is doing you no good and more harm than you might realise or had intended. The ripple effect of vendetta’s is immense, so it isn’t just harming the target, but many others, notwithstanding the energy of the universe is adversely impacted on when this sort of energy is dispersed. So, please, let it go, find ways to deal with it that are far healthier. There are no winners in these situations, least of all those who undertake these campaigns driven by hatred, and eventually there are always repercussions which are simply not worth wasting your time and energy on.

Tips on Dealing with Toxic People

•Don’t allow their behavior to dictate your emotions. Accept that it’s up to you to manage your emotions, regardless of how other people behave.

•Stay calm and composed: Feeling hurt, angry, or defensive is natural when someone has a personal vendetta against you. However, it’s crucial to remain calm and avoid escalating the situation further. Reacting impulsively or aggressively can worsen the conflict.

•While you can’t control other people, you can control how you respond to them. Whether you decide that your best approach is to speak up or that you’re better off staying silent, put your energy into taking positive action.

•Set boundaries: Establishing clear boundaries with individuals with a vendetta against you is essential. Communicate assertively and respectfully, clarifying what behavior you will not tolerate. Maintain your self-respect and avoid engaging in personal attacks or retaliatory actions.

•Even when you establish healthy boundaries with difficult people, they can still drain your mental strength. Practice healthy coping skills that will help you stay strong.

•Seek support: Dealing with personal vendettas can affect your emotional well-being. Contact trusted friends, family, or mentors for support and guidance. They can offer a fresh perspective and help you navigate the challenges more effectively.

•Evaluate the situation objectively: Take a step back and objectively assess the situation.

•Focus on personal growth and self-care: While addressing the situation is important, don’t let it consume your life. Focus on personal development, self-improvement, and pursuing your goals. Engage in activities that bring you joy and maintain your physical and mental well-being.

•Experiment with a variety of coping skills, like gratitude and meditation, to discover what works best for you. Your spiritual well-being is as important as your physical and psychological.

•Take good care of your health as well. It’s impossible to stay mentally strong when you’re abusing your body with alcohol, sleep deprivation comfort eating, or junk food.

•Document incidents and gather evidence: If the vendetta escalates to a point where legal or professional action may be required, it’s crucial to record any incidents, conversations, or evidence that could support your case. This documentation can protect your interests and clearly explain the situation.

•If the vendetta becomes persistent, malicious, or threatens your safety or well-being, consider involving relevant authorities such as law enforcement, human resources, or legal professionals. They can provide guidance and assistance based on specific circumstances. Ultimately, the best outcome is your success, happiness, and the triumph of not giving vindictive people any dominion over your peace of mind.

Further Support

For further support I personally recommend Miranda Wyatt who is well versed, highly experienced and offers tailor-made solutions that will suit everyone’s individual and unique experience.

Miranda can be contacted via:

https://mirandawyattlifecoach.ck.page/

Remember: Stay true, stay you! 🌿

© Susie J Folmer, August 2023